


Stupid

by jeeg94



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Explicit Language, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 10:05:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12363345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeeg94/pseuds/jeeg94
Summary: Lance is stupid. Keith is stupid. But they love each other.





	Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> I just want Lance to have some closure

Keith finds Lance in one of the ship’s many observation decks, after the battle is won. Hunk was the one who told Keith where to find him and also told him that Lance was taking Keith’s near kamikaze mission really hard. He has an inkling of why but he wants to be sure.

Lance is curled up near the glass with legs crossed, gazing at the stars as they float by. They reflect in his blue eyes, little pinpricks of light that draw Keith’s attention. He doesn’t look over when Keith sits down in the same manner, close enough for their knees to touch. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey man,” Lance replies quietly, “How’d you find me?”

“Hunk told me. Said we should probably talk about some things.”

Hunk hadn’t said that but Keith isn’t ready to shoot himself in the foot by admitting that he was the one to ask Hunk for Lance’s location. 

“And what things would those be, Keith? You leaving Voltron? Abandoning us when we needed you most? Or you trying to commit suicide to help win a battle? Or maybe we’re talking about how you couldn’t even be bothered to turn your comms on and say goodbye before carrying out this stupid plan.”

It’s the most Lance has said to him in months and he sounds furious but he still won’t look at Keith. The line of his jaw is sharply defined like he’s clenching it painfully hard.

“All of that, I guess,” Keith mumbles, “And the other thing, you know... the whole feelings thing.”

Lance snorts. “Real eloquent there, Keithy boy.”

Keith rolls his eyes, corners of his lips tugging up. But he’s quickly serious again. He looks at his hands, clenching and unclenching in his lap, rather than at Lance. 

“Okay, so, where do you want to start? Let’s do this. You can even take a swing at me if you want, I won’t stop you.”

Lance makes a strangled noise and Keith looks up at him. He’s fucking crying, tears pouring down his cheeks, but the look on his face is angrier than Keith has ever seen it and he flinches back.

“I’m not gonna hit you, you fucking moron. God, you’re so stupid.” Keith hangs his head, nodding in agreement. Suddenly, Lance is rising, walking a few steps away to pace back and forth.

“No,” he says loudly, “You don’t get to agree with me when you don’t even know why you’re so goddamn stupid.” He paces for a bit longer and Keith just watches warily as he waits for Lance to figure out what he wants to say. 

“I just want-“ he stops, shakes his head and starts pacing again.

“You and me, we’re-“ he groans out a sigh of frustration and runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He stops and turns to look at Keith. 

“Okay, so here’s how it is.” He says forcefully. “You’re a moron.” Keith nods. “I’m a moron.”

“No you’re not,” Keith starts to protest, but a sharp look from Lance stops him in his tracks. 

“Yes I am. I’m a huge moron because I had to go and fall in love with an even bigger moron like you.”

Keith knew it was coming but hearing it out loud is still shocking. Heat suffuses his whole body, head to toe and it’s on the top of his tongue to say it back but Lance barrels right on ahead.

“I fell in love with the stupidest, most self sacrificing, too goddamn good for this world, _asshole_ that this war could possibly offer and he thinks it’s okay to just leave? I mean, how did you think it was gonna go? ‘Oh, Keith’s leaving, guess that’s cool, it’s not like we’ve been fighting an intergalactic war together for the past year. It’s not like he’s an integral part of this group, the leader of Voltron, the best fucking fighter of all of us, no, none of that shit matters because clearly nobody would miss him, right? Clearly now that Shiro’s back piloting the Black Lion, we just don’t need him. He’s superfluous. Extra. Not needed. Clearly. Right?’ Is that what you thought, you jackass?”

Hearing it like that really puts it into perspective and Keith feels himself going redder because he’s just been _called the fuck out_ on his bullshit. 

“I’m looking for a fucking answer, here, Keith. I know I’m hot but you can stare at me some other time.”

That makes Keith look away, eyes darting side to side, up and down, anywhere but at Lance. He’s gotta handle this carefully, or it could make his even angrier.

“You told me you would step aside,” he says. Lance is tapping his foot impatiently but he’s still watching so Keith goes on, “You we’re going to step aside so that Allura could stay a paladin and I could have Red back and Shiro could have Black back. I couldn’t let that happen.”

Lance frowns, “What the fuck does that mean?”

“You and the Red Lion have bonded so well, I can feel it. You are Red’s paladin. You fly it so well and it opened up to you without you even asking. I had to get sucked out of an airlock to even get Red to drop its shield. I never felt comfortable piloting Black. It’s not my lion. Shiro just needed to see that he could do it again. And you were right, before. Allura is doing a fantastic job as the paladin of Blue. I was always the temporary one. I was just holding Shiro’s place until he could get Black to trust him again.”

There’s silence for a moment and then Lance resumes his pacing. 

“So let me get this straight,” he says, incredulity lacing his tone, “Because of a conversation we had months ago when I was depressed because everyone else was doing a better job than me, you decided to do the exact same thing that I planned on doing? That’s fucking hypocritical of you, Keith.”

Keith flinches because, goddamn is Lance ever right, and he sees it now. He realizes he’s been alienating the people he’s closest to all because he felt inadequate. He kind of feels like an asshole.

“I kind of feel like an asshole.” He says quietly.

Lance chuckles and this time the sound isn’t filled with rage or sadness, it’s completely genuine. A little weak, but still true, “You are an asshole, Keith. Only an asshole wouldn’t turn his comms on to talk to his best friends in the moments before he thought he was going to die.”

Keith winces. He was really hoping they could just move past that without talking about it but he should have known better.

“There was no time.” He says, avoiding Lance’s eyes, once again, “We had one dobash left before the planet blew up and destroyed a third of the galaxy. Nobody had any better ideas and someone had to do something…”

“Yeah, I realize that. The least you could have done was radio one of us to say ‘hey, I’m about to throw myself at the side of this alien space ship, let’s hope it works’.”

Keith flinches again because Lance is absolutely right. He had no idea if it was going to work or not, he was simply acting on instinct. He says this out loud.

“And why is your first instinct always to get yourself killed!?” Lance shouts. The rage is back in his voice but he sounds choked up. Keith knows he’s still crying and can’t bear to look, “Why do you think you have less value than any of the rest of us, huh? Because I can assure you, you are just as important to the team as Shiro or Hunk or Pidge, or even Allura, and she’s the heart of this whole damn war effort!”

Keith doesn’t have an answer for that. “I wasn’t thinking about the consequences to myself at the time, I was just thinking about the billions of lives that were at stake.”

“Yeah, and what if you hadn’t accomplished anything? What if you rammed your ship into another ship and just ended up dying, like an idiot? How would your death have solved anything?”  
“I wasn’t thinking about that!” Keith says and he’s growing a little irritated with being told he’s stupid.

“Clearly not.” Lance sighs and slumps over, the fight seeping out of him. He looks miserable and tired and Keith hates himself a little because _he did that to Lance_. He’s the cause of Lance’s sleepless nights and the bags under his eyes. He’s the reason his whole team, no, a third of this galaxy was nearly wiped out.

“I’m sorry,” Keith says quietly, but with feeling, “I’m so goddamn sorry, Lance, you’ll never know. I know I’m stupid and reckless, and I make bad decisions because I don’t consult you guys first.”

“You’re goddamn right. But that doesn’t make you an idiot who’s a burden.” A hand rests on his shoulder and Keith looks up out of surprise. Lance is crouching next to him, tears rolling freely, but he’s smiling slightly. “It makes you an idiot who cares too much.”

Keith can’t help it. He surges forward and envelops Lance in a hug that knocks him on his ass, Keith sprawled across his lap and, after the first sob breaks free, he can’t hold back anymore. He’s bawling into Lance’s chest, soaking his shirt with tears and snot and it’s not pretty at all, but Lance just holds him and runs fingers through his hair and strokes down his spine, his touch light but grounding somehow.

It takes a while for him to calm down. When he does, he tries to pull away, embarrassed at his outburst, but Lance just hauls them both upright, leaning against the glass viewing window, and keeps Keith tucked into his side. Keith feels Lance press a kiss to the top of his head.

“I love you too,” Keith says, breaking the quiet, “Just for the record.”

Lance’s arm around his shoulders squeezes a little tighter and he says, “I know.”


End file.
